Clean Air, By Michelle Hopewell

Clean Air

By Michelle Hopewell 

It's pretty easy to get stifled.

Everything around you feels stale, every time you want to pray its like wading through mud and all around is a deafening silence.

Several cheesy, "Are you there God? It's me Margret" moments occur and you start feeling like a waste of God's time.

You sit there and you wonder, Jesus, Holy Spirit, Lord...anyone?

There's nothing more frustration than trying to seek God and coming up with that "Access Denied" sign flashing in neon.

One minute everything around  you is calm and peaceful and the next minute everything has spun out of control and it feels like the flood is about to swallow you whole.

How do you wave "Goodbye" to the old things so you can breathe in Clean Air and say "Hello" to the future?

Three months into 2010 and I felt like I was still trying to figure that out.

 I was reading Psalm 32 as past of my 40 day fast this Easter and verse 6 hit me hard:

"Therefore let everyone who is godly pray to you while you may be found; surely when the mighty waters rise, they will not reach him."

The verse hit my hard and I guess I was expecting some kind of miracle. The heaven's to part, the angels to sing, God to say,"and now that feeling you're having shall disappear", but none of that happened.

Instead my chest got tighter, my strength weakened and I felt like saying "Whatever Lord" and shutting my Bible.

What is it Lord? What do you want? What do you need? That was all that kept playing on my mind.

When was He just going to tell me, but its not that easy with God.

All I wanted was to be able to breathe again. To be able to find the Clean Air found in Jesus. You know the type I mean, where everything is that little bit easier, and everything makes sense and is simple.

Job. Now that was an awesome dude. On a regular basis with my walk with God I can only turn to Job and find the rope I need to draw back in to God.

(Job 23:8-9)
 8 "But if I go to the east, he is not there;
       if I go to the west, I do not find him.

 9 When he is at work in the north, I do not see him;
       when he turns to the south, I catch no glimpse of him.

I read these two verses and cried. To be honest I panicked. Did that mean I'd never connect with God again, did that mean I could live my whole life seeking Him and never find Him?

I couldn't imagine not hearing from God. I couldn't imagine not being able to crawl into His presence and remain covered in His Grace in the throne room.

Then I read verse 10

(Job 23:10)
But he knows the way that I take;
       when he has tested me, I will come forth as gold.

You say what now God? I don't know where you are...but you know where I am? You are testing me to make me like Gold?

Then another moment occurred, not so much a light bulb moment than a "Duh" moment. I'd been pushing and pushing and fighting and fighting but all I had to do was be still and seek Him and let Him change me so I could breathe in His clean air.

Gracious, when that reaslisation hit, the worship to Him was that much sweeter, the prayers were so much more easy and I could feel God filling me back up. Not to mention I could breathe again.

All I needed was Him, all I need is Him.

Do we need to think about how to breathe? No. From the day we are conceived in our mothers wombs we are designed to naturally breathe.

Then no one has to teach us how to have clean air in our relationship with the Father. Just be still and let Him do His work. We may not know what He is doing but God knows what He is doing. Jeremiah 29:11 says that He always has a plan.

So today...just breathe....