Friday, September 18, 2015

Every Once in Awhile Something Shocks Me

Every once in a while something shocks me

By Hillary Beth Koenig
I remember the 4th grade. I naturally had assumed that I knew of every cuss word that there was, not that I used them, but I thought I'd at least heard them and vaguely knew what they meant. Nope, that was the year I heard the F-word the first time, and had to ask what it meant. I was pretty much appalled.
Then there was this year. I knew there were dating sites and hook up sites of all shapes and sizes, but I didn't know that there was one specifically geared to encouraging and enabling affairs. Yes, I consider that a whole new level of so-wrong.
But what do I find more appalling?
That so many people would believe the lies that Christian women are uneducated, thoughtlessly submitting to a life of being a "proper" wife and mother, according to others' standards, incapable of supporting herself if need be, and above all, that they, too have bought the lies that purity is simply a woman saving sex for her husband.
First of all, I'm a Christian. I'm now a mother and a wife. I currently have multiple writing and editing projects due this week totaling several hundred dollars. The semester before my husband married me, I worked up to 63 hours a week in several part time jobs, and took 15 credit hours' worth of classes. While he was away with the military, I obtained a great job at an IT firm and couldn't wait to tell him about it - even though I was so nervous going to the interview that I would have given anything for his hug prior to it.
I will be taking care of myself and my child for the better part of the next year alone, because that's what happens in the military life. And that doesn't really faze me. I'll be an Awana leader for a bunch of tweens, sing on the praise team at Bible study, and show up to practices and set ups. I'll probably travel the country to see friends and family, and celebrate Christmas and birthdays without him.
I share all of this to answer a certain woman whose post has gone viral. She wrote a catch phrase, a bunch of people read it and said to themselves, “I like that!” and they didn’t stop once to think about what they were saying.
You can say, "'raise them to breathe fire,” all you want. But when the trials come, most of us are complaining about how "life should be fair," "I deserve more," and other nonsense. What's fair? And why do we all think things should be handed to us?
Trials make fire breathers. Not going with the flow makes fire breathers.

Now let me go back a different direction.
The writer asserts that women have purity standards imposed on them.
I will tell you - I chose my own standards. I was presented morals, viewpoints, rules, and truth as a child - along with lies, urges to do what I felt like, and peer pressure. But most of all, I was raised to think for myself and ultimately I made the choices to be a woman who followed God. That includes doing sex the way God intended - one man, one woman.
I married a man who waited for me. I waited for him. It took a lot of patience and some guts to explain to my coworkers at the writing center where I worked what my purity ring meant. The guy and the girl both said they'd never met a single person in their life before who had actually waited. I felt sad.
There's not a chaste and proper wife rule. It's a free to love wholeheartedly, free from guilt and shame, free from drama and tough consequences, free to be passionate and yourself thing to have sex with your spouse and your spouse alone. He was my first kiss. I was his first kiss. And the only reason that's hard to talk about, is because that's not something that happens a lot. 
I risk heaping more guilt. That's why people attack Christians who choose to do sex God's way. I don’t want you to feel guilty – I want you to be free. The truth of God’s word sets us free, and what Jesus did on the cross makes us pure, no matter what the sin.

In high school, I wasn’t caught up in drama. I was starting GGFG!
When you stay true to one person, you don’t deal with the drama, pain, and consequences of having had intimate relationships with many.
It may seem silly, but, I don't have to:
  • wonder if my husband has other, even unknown to him children out there
  • wonder if an old ex will pop up and cause sexual tension
  • explain to a child that they have siblings that are his, mine, and ours
  • feel ashamed of anything I did prior to marriage when talking to my kids about my past
Other people have asked if this was a first child for both of us. They assumed my husband may have had other kids with other women before me. Or, that I had a child that doesn’t live with us.

You’re not there yet. You’re a teen. But the choices you make now have consequences that last into adulthood. Choose to do things God’s way!


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