Feeling So Alone, By Kaylee S.

Feeling So Alone 

By Kaylee S.

Ladies, I know a lot of times our parents can be unreasonable or we think that because they don’t understand what we’re trying to tell them.  Sometimes my dad makes me so mad, so I’ll just run upstairs and lock myself in my room.  I tell myself that I’m not coming out and I’m not going to let him in.  I just want everybody to just go away and leave me alone!

So I start crying out to God and I think “Well not everybody” because I want Jesus to be with me.  I want Jesus to be really with me.  I mean… really!  Sometimes I feel so alone and that my dad will never understand me, but I believe Jesus is always with me, and of course I start talking with my mom again,  telling her how much I love her and miss her and I wish she was still here with me.  And I tell Jesus that sometimes I feel like an orphan because I feel so alone, and I tell Him that if He knows that, why won’t He help me?

Sometimes… everything just seems so confusing, but I should be able to figure some things out, right?  I’m 14; I’m not some little girl anymore, so why can’t I figure out what to do?  So I ask Jesus to help me because I’m very confused about everything… it almost seems like I’m in some kind of prison.  And I don’t want to go back downstairs because I know this is just going to happen again. 

But one of my favorite things to do is I scream as loud as I can in my pillow.  And I tell Jesus and my mom that I just want to be loved.  I ask Jesus to help me because sometimes I think I’m going insane.  I hate all this evil in the world and I just want to come home with Him.  I tell Him that I’m tired of this… I’m tired of always feeling alone and tired of being confused so help me… please!  I always say please though because that’s just being polite, right?

So I opened my Bible and this was so weird because I just opened it and just started reading.  I was reading Romans 8:38-39 (emphasis added).

“For I am certain that nothing can separate us from his love: neither death nor life, neither angels nor other heavenly rulers or powers, neither the present nor the future, neither the world above nor the world below---there is nothing in all creation that will ever be able to separate us from the love of God which is ours through Christ Jesus our Lord.       

Wow!  I want to believe this so much!  And I have to because Jesus let people crucify Him for me, so, how do I really believe this?  All I could think of was to pray, so I did.  “Jesus please help me, please help Your daughter stop being so confused about You and the Bible.  Help me believe what I just read so that it is so real in my life, so that I can say with absolute confidence that You love me.  And help me no to get so mad at my dad because I know he loves me to, but I just wish that he would understand me and I ask that you help him do that.  I don’t want to get this mad anymore because I know that You don’t like it.  So I ask in Your name sweet Jesus that You make me the woman of God that You want me to be… and please show me who that girl is.  Thank You sweet Jesus and I love You!”

So I’m going to read these 2 verses before I go to sleep and believe that someday Jesus is going to make this love very real to me because it is the love that I desperately need and want!

And eventually, I go downstairs again. My dad and I forgive each other… because we do love each other, even when we misunderstand each other.